well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
