when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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