He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
