Small penises have feelings too.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
