walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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