remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize