i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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