I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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