During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
