this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
