"it" just moved
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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