YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
