His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
