he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
