can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
