the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
