It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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