if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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