Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
