Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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