I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
