no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
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I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
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She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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