I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
