I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
