What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
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