it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
