Someone shit on the floor
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
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And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
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Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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