i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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