one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Rumble strips road head = magical
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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