life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
