woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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