no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
