Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Too much gin, very little bucket
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
