apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
