Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
