WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
