Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
