im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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