I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I look better un-naked...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
