These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
