how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
