Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
