my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...