I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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