One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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