Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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