Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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