I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
