is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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