so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
