drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
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