he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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