I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
the raccoons are back...
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