problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
