may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
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...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
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I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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