We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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