Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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