it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
