i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I think my moral compass just broke
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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