so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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