i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
