I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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