I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
