He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
