Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
