This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
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I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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