We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I haven't been this sober since birth.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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