I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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