a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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