so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
