So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
