why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
